Confusing Myself

I don't know what is going on with me. I just. I can't seem to get out of my own head, and it's driving me crazy. I don't know why I'm so stuck in there, but I am. I just keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. Stupid thoughts mostly. Wandering about life. I can't seem to admit to myself exactly what's wrong, and it sucks. A lot. I thought this was gonna be such an amazing weekend, and for the most part it has been. I have had quite a bit of fun, but for some reason right now I just feel completely vulnerable, and I absolutely can't stand that feeling. I don't like being open. Weak. Useless. I guess I just built this trip up so much in my head, and now that it's almost done, I don't know what to do. I'm going psychotic. There is so much that I want, and I don't know that I'll ever get it, and that kills me. It absolutely terrifies me to not have control over this. I always have control. I can't function correctly right now. I just. Gah. That's all I can seem to get out right now...

Life is one big ball of crazy

This has been a hectic couple of weeks. I started a new job, my sister moved, and I started school. I feel like I never have time to breath anymore. I don't like it. I also chopped my hair off. And dyed it black. 

I feel very much like Snow White. I also had to get a new phone, because my iPhone 4S got fried.. So, now I have a 5S. And I can actually take good pictures to put on the blog! I got my ipsy bag in the mail today, so I thought I would show what it looks like, and after I've tried everything out, I'll do a more in-depth post.

This is the packaging. I like the bag, it's definitely the cutest so far. 

  It came with Be A Bombshell's Criminal Smooth setting powder, Hikari lipstick in Cabernet, Pacifica nail polish in Red Red Wine, Nourish Organic cucumber and watercress moisturizing cream face cleanser, and Mitchell and Peach luxury hand cream. Overall I'm very pleased with it. Actually, it might turn out to be my favorite bag yet. More details to come.   

The things that happen!

Wow... Apparently I haven't blogged in a month... That's not good!! So much has been going on lately. I started a new job, quit my old one, and I've been getting ready for college. I can't believe I start school on Monday. That's so weird. I went and got my ID and books the other day. My very first ever school ID. And for the past couple days I've been trying to find my first day of school outfit. Yes, I am doing that. It's my first first day! That's kinda big! I have been shopping wayyyyy more than I should... And I happened to run over a turtle, while driving a couple weeks ago... I almost cried. I've had quite a few misadventures lately. I promise, I shall not go this long without blogging anymore! Oh! I got an amazingly gorgeous gown! 

And I put blue in my hair! Which, soon will be blonde. Well, I'm signing off. Xoxo~ Cala

Useless

Do you ever have those moments when someone you love is hurting or upset or depressed, and you want to help them so badly but there's nothing you can do? I'm dealing with that. I feel so useless. Like nothing I do or say will help. And I hate it. I hate it so much. But I don't know what else there is to do. All I can do is make sure he knows I'm always here and will never leave and I will help in any way I possibly can. Blah.. It still sucks though. 

Fantasticalness

I would honestly have to say that this has been one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. A long one, for sure. But amazing. It started out by getting to go have some froyo with my sissy and the kiddos, then I got to FaceTime with my love for almost 3 hours, then I got a call for an interview, then went to the interview and was offered the job on the spot, got to spend time with my best friend, got some much needed clothing, I got my long awaited ipsy bag, and then I got a surprise visit from my second mom! I've worked all of the past four days, but they've been amazing. One downfall, however, is that I only got my ipsy yesterday, and today I accidentally broke the bronzes from it.... Thank god for the alcohol trick! Well, I'm off to lala land for the night. Goodnight, lovelies!

Confusion at it's finest

You know, the male species is extremely confusing. I'm not saying that women aren't crazy, confusing, emotional wrecks half the time, because we are. But, seriously. Why can't a guy just tell you he likes you and continue on that path, rather than saying it and talking for a while and then he'll start acting closed off and then be back to normal a couple days later. It's difficult! You'd think after 3 years I'd be used to it, but I'm still not. I just don't understand, I guess. And you know, I don't know if I ever will, so I guess I'm just gonna have to get used to it. Blargh! -_-

I haven't forgotten you!

So, I just realized I haven't blogged in 12 days.... THAT'S INSANE! I am ever so sorry. The past couple of weeks have been insanely busy. I've been working 30 odd hours each week. I could really use a  vacation. For sure. I know this isn't gonna be very long, bu I'm gonna try to keep up more. Especially about beauty products. I ordered an ipsy glam bag, so when it comes I'll do a first impression/review of it. I can't wait :) 

Emotions suck. End of story.

During the past month and a half, there have only been a handful of times that I've cried. Today is one of them. Do you ever have so much that you want to say to someone, but it just never seems like a good time and so you put it off and put it off, and in the mean time it affects you more and more? Yeah. That's happening to me. There are so many things that I'm feeling, and I want to tell you, but I don't know how. And even if I did, you might not talk to me anymore. And that can't happen. You're still my best friend, and I miss you every single day. I just don't know what to do. 

AWOL!

It has come to my attention that I have been very lacking in my blogging as of late, and for that I am truly sorry! However, there has been a good excuse. I have been busy out the wazoo! I've been working a lot lately, and last week I was teaching tennis camp as well as working. Summer is definitely one of my favorite times, it's also my busiest. And since I've come to the age where my friends can actually drive, I actually get out and do stuff! Me and my best friend , Em, are trying to make a dinner date every week. I feel so grown. Especially since last night I finally ordered my very first phone! That's kind of insane! My parents have never been the type of parents to just give us whatever we want. Both of my sisters, and now me, have had to work for their phones and cars and pay their own bills and that kind stuff. I'm grateful that my parents have been like that. So many kids these days think that they're entitled to something, just because they want it. I don't see the sense in a 8 year old having a phone. It's not like they have any need for it, it's just another tool to keep them entertained. I'm 17, and I just now in the last year have really thought I should probably get a phone. And that's only because now I go with friends, or I work, or something like that, and that way people can get in touch with me. I just don't understand the mindset of this generation.. I really don't. I'm proud of myself. I really am. I worked hard to earn money, and now I've bought a phone. That's a big deal. Now, to save up for a car!! I've had my permit for 4 months, so by August I'll be able to get my license. Not that I will, seeing as I haven't even driven on the road yet.....Grrr... Oh well, it'll happen, eventually. Well, this had turned into a bit of a rant, so I'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight, my darlings. I bid you all adieu.  

Stupidity at it's finest.

Apparently now I can't even express my thoughts in my own blog without having to worry how someone is going to react. That's so stupid. This has been an amazing week, but at the same time it sucked. It started by having to work after tennis 3 out of 5 days. Then, on one of my off days I went to the carnival and my stalker showed up. Then I've been sore and in pain all week. I had a tub of sauce thrown at me at work. Oh yeah, and today I hate people. So much. Mostly one specific person. Tennis camp was so long, but at the same time so short. I'm gonna miss all of my friends and the campers. This week is always my favorite week of the summer. However, I am glad that I don't have to wake up at 5:30 anymore! Woohoo! I can't believe there is only two and a half months until I start college... That's insane.... You know, lately I've been trying to focus on myself and just do me, and it's been really good for me. I mean, there have been times when I wanted to just break down and cry, but there have also been some great days as well. I feel like I've definitely gotten closer to quite a few different friends lately, and I'm really happy for that. I am beyond exhausted, so I think I shall go to sleep now. Goodnight, my darlings. 

Rough week..

This week has had it's ups and downs. Part of it was really good. I got to hang out with my best friends, go swimming, shopping, and just chill and have fun. The other part kinda sucked. I fell and hurt my leg, had a rough week at work, and he hasn't talked to me in a week.... Gosh.. I miss him like crazy.. I don't want to message him though, because there is always the chance he won't respond, and I can't handle that rejection right now.. This coming week is going to be super busy. But it's gonna be great! Tomorrow is the first day of tennis camp, and I'm so excited. I didn't get to teach last year, because I was on a mission trip, but I'm back! Tennis camp is pretty much always one of the highlights of my summer. I don't like that there are three other girls on my court this year... I don't really get along with many girls.. And especially cause I've always been on a court with just guys.. We'll see how it goes, and I'll keep you up to date on how it turns out.  <3 Cala

The troubles of the heart

Why is it that just when I think I might be okay, you say something and my heart feels like it's snapping into a billion little pieces, all over again. I just miss you, so much. Everything about you. Your smile. Your eyes. How you always are messing with your hair, because you think it looks terrible. The way you always pick at me. Everything. Every bad thing about you. Every good thing about you. I miss just hugging you, and staying in your arms. You are my safety net. And now you aren't there, and I feel like I'm falling at a thousand miles a minute, and I can't seem to stop. Every time I see your face, hear your voice, see your adorable smile I remember every single time we've been together. All of the hundreds of conversations. And it sucks. It really does. Knowing that there's this new girl, and now I mean nothing. All of the time and energy I put into us is pointless. I know that I'll probably never have you back like I want you, but the least you can do is not shut me out!! This hurts so much. I have had so many doubts and thoughts and regrets in the last month. So many times I've just thought "What could I have done differently?", and the answer I come up with every time is the same. I don't know. You're so confusing, and frustrating, at times extremely annoying, but I love you all the same. I know more about you than almost anyone, I know some of your darkest secrets. You told me stuff you never told others. Did I judge you or get scared away by it? No, absolutely not. Because when you really love someone, you look past their faults and you find the good in them. You put their needs above your own. I always tried to do that for you. We aren't even together anymore, and I'm still doing it. I must just be a glutton for punishment, because no matter what happens I can't let you go completely. You're my best friend. My rock. I love you. I miss you. So much. My life is not the same without you. And I don't like it. At all. You're so important to me, and I wish I could make you see that. I know you know how I feel. She's just more important than I am, now. And that absolutely kills me. That things could change that fast. That you could go from loving me to being with her in an instant. Every time you say her name, another fracture is put into my already insanely damaged heart. Love is a glorious, beautiful, cruel, and painful thing. 

I love goodies!

So, today I got my Influenster VoxBox in the mail... And I absolutely love it! For those of you who don't know what Influenster is, it is a company that sends out free boxes of different things to try, based on how active you are. To qualify, you can complete different surveys, connect your various social media networks, write product reviews, and other things. I am so glad I found out about Influenster! In the box I just received, it contained a Rimmel London mascara, a Soft Lips lip cube, a apple pie scented car freshener, a set of Kiss French nails, and a full size box of tampons. My box was worth $23, and I didn't pay a scent! I'd say that's pretty good! I'm really excited to try out all of the new products, and I'll be writing a review of all of them soon!

The cause of my insanity

Most people have something that they love doing. Some have such a passion for something that they choose to turn that into their lifelong career. And still, others have such huge dreams and aspirations that others may think they're crazy. I'm the third option. What started for me as a harmless act, has turned into such a burning passion that I don't know what to do with all of my stored passion. For me, that passion is the art of makeup. For most women, and yes even some men, makeup is just an every day thing to make themselves look better. That's not the case for me. When I see makeup, it's not about changing how I look, but enhancing. There are so many different ways of enhancing, and even visually altering how you look, just by applying makeup in a certain way. It's truly incredible to me how you can do so much, with such little effort. But, before I get ahead of myself, let us go back to my beginnings in makeup. I have always loved watching my mom and older sister put on makeup, it just fascinated me. When I was probably around 10 or 11, I would take some snowy/translucent eyeshadow that my sister had and I would put it on, and let me tell you what, I thought I was just the coolest kid ever cause I had that eyeshadow on. Over the years I have gone through a lot of phases when it comes to makeup. I've gone through a purple stage, where I would wear tons of bright purple eyeshadow and liner. I went through a super dark phase, and wore black all the time. Cake face phase, where the more the better. And so many others. But, as I've gotten older and have learned more and more about makeup, I've come to the realization that as a rule of thumb, less is more. Not to say that you can't rock a full on smokey eye, or bright lip, but it's all about balancing it out. I have gotten to the point where I devour everything I can about makeup, and how to apply it, and what is best for which skin type, and just pretty much everything about makeup in general. I have such a passion for it, and my dream is to ultimately become a world renowned makeup artist and hair stylist. Yes, that is a HUGE dream, but I believe anything is possible with perseverance and hard work. And anyone who knows me will tell you that I definitely do not give up easy. I finally feel like I have found my niche. My thing in life that I'm really good at. And I am going to pursue my dreams and goals until I have accomplished them. Really, this blog is kind of a way to track my progress over the next couple of years. I have such a passion, and this blog is for me to be able to share it with others. As well as things that I deal with in life, problems I have, good things that happen. Just anything that I want to write about. I think being able to write out what I'm feeling or something I've been thinking about it a huge stress reliever for me, and I'm so grateful for every single person who reads my blog. I love every single one of you. You are beautiful inside and out. You may not like makeup or wear it, but you are still beautiful. Because, as much as I love makeup, you don't need it to be gorgeous. It enhances what you already have. And that's why I love it so much. 

The hole in my heart, is not soon filled.

Have you ever loved someone and missed them so much that it physically hurt? Well, I do. I don't know whether it's because I'm really emotional lately, or not, but I have cried several times in the last couple days because of it... And I don't normally cry very often, at all. I just feel so alone and sad.. I know I'm not alone, and that I have amazing friends and family, but without that one person, I feel empty.. Do you ever have days where you just wish you could hug a certain person forever, and that would make everything better? I feel like that right now.. Life is so different without him. And it sucks. My best friend, my rock, my love. Gone in an instant. Never disregard what you have, because you never know when it will be gone. It's been almost a month, and there's still a whole in my chest the size of a crater.. I saw him this weekend, and I was afraid he wouldn't want to talk to me or hug me or anything, so I didn't really try... That is one of the biggest mistakes I think I've ever made... I just don't know what to do..

Goodbye, high school!

Well, it's official. I'm a Class of 2014 high school graduate. I still can't believe it. It hasn't really hit me yet, I don't think. I am so thankful for all of the amazing people that I have had in my life over the years. I am so blessed for everything that I've been able to do and see so far in my life. I have an amazing best friend, as well, who is always here for me and helps me whenever I need it. 

Thank you, Jody, for always being you. And being amazing. I love you. I can't believe I finally did it. Now, my life is really beginning. I'm so excited to see what the future holds. And to become, what my cousin calls, a Sparkle Princess.. Meaning a professional makeup artist. It's gonna be a great year. 

Confessions of a Wendy's girl

So, I was at work and I'd been there for three hours, so it was time for me to have my lunch break. Well, I get my food and I go sit down and put in a headphone and I'm just sitting there enjoying my break, when I look up and see this guy standing by the counter. Now, at first I didn't think anything of it, I thought he was waiting for his order. Then, I noticed he kept glancing at me, and I was just thinking "oh crap. Please have ordered to go." Cause I just got this feeling that he was gonna try and talk to me. Well, he did. He comes over and was like "do you mind if I sit with you?" And I was just like "umm I guess so.." So he did, and he kept asking me all sorts of questions and whether I had a boyfriend or husband or anything and what kind music I like and what movies, and just stuff like that. He also asked what time I got off, and what my schedule was. He told me he loved my hair twice. And asked me if I'd want to go to a movie sometime, I completely ignored that. I even told him that I was going with my boyfriend to a movie tomorrow, to try and dissuade him, and it didn't work! I don't even have a freaking boyfriend, that's how desperate I was to get rid of him! So, finally I had like 8 minutes left before I could even clock back in and I told him I had to get back to work and I started doing stuff off the clock just to get away from him. And apparently he's gonna be coming to Wendy's more now. He was somewhere between 20-30 and strange looking... And creepy. The whole thing was just creepy. 

Maddening Mondays

Dealing with a breakup is really hard. Dealing with a breakup, when that person is someone that you love with your whole heart, your best friend, the person that you talk to about everything, well that's just impossible. Trust me, I would know. I just, I get so confused and frustrated. I don't understand why, and I always think what could I have done differently. As much as that happens though, the thing I think the most is that I miss him. So much. Life is so strange and absurd and lonely without him. I just wish I knew what to do.. I try to keep busy and not think about it, but it seems like that's when I think the most about it. I'll go to work and think "oh, good. I'll be so busy I won't think. ", but then that's all I think about... Life really sucks. Even when we do talk, it's not the same.. He's closed off mostly, and I feel so helpless and sad. I don't like these feelings.. I wish I could turn back time... 10 months together, and all of a sudden I don't have him to talk to and to be there and it kills me. I miss him, so much.... Gah. 

Favorite lip products

As a devoted makeup junkie I have acquired way more lip products than anyone could actually need, so I thought I would write about some of my Holy Grail lippies! First on the agenda are the Maybelline Baby lips. Now, anyone who knows me well, knows that I love me some Baby Lips.. Like. A lot. This is my collection, plus I have a few more that I couldn't find. 

These are great lip balms! They have a variety of colors, and they last quite a while. They have acetal collections of them out at the moment, that I don't have.  Second, is Nyx Butter Glosses. These are amazeballs. They feel really silky on your lips, and aren't super sticky like some glosses. Plus, they have great color payoff, and to make them even better, they smell great! 

Currently I have creme brûlée on the left, eclair in the middle, and tiramisu on the right. These ones are all fairly similar in color, but that's just because I tend to like lighter more nude colors generally. Third, are the Fresh Sugar balms. I got the mini duo set from Sephora as the birthday gift a couple of years ago, and let me tell you. They are so fantastic! They are very thick and moisturizing, but not too thick. And one of them is a beautiful light rose color, and it's gorgeous for a light wash of color. 

And last for the night are Revlon lippies. I can never pick just one that I like, so I'll talk a little about all the ones I have. I have a few of the Colorburst lip butters, and I love them! They are very smooth and have really pretty colors and are really nice on the lips. Next are Revlon lip glosses. All of the lip glosses that I have ever tried have been great. They can be a little sticky, but the pigmentation of them is pretty much the same as if you had just put a lipstick. Totally worth a little stickiness. I also really love the Just Bitten kissable balm stains. They have quite a range of colors, they're really silky, and are easy to just throw in your bag for on the go. All in all, I would have to say Revlon is probably one of my favorite lip product brands. 

I say I have too many, but in my opinion you can never have enough lippies.. Well, cheerio for now, my loves!

Senioritis

You know, this past year has been a crazy year. It's also been the best year of my life. I have been so lucky to make so many amazing friends, to go on some awesome trips, to be a Senior, get a job, just everything. I don't think it had really hit me until recently, that my high school experience is over. I've been homeschooled my whole life, so I haven't really dealt with the same stuff your average high schooler has, but it's definitely been a roller coaster ride full of adventures, and misadventures.. But, I don't think I could've asked for a better experience. It seems like just yesterday was my first day of freshman year, and now I'm finished with school and have a little more than a week until I graduate. The time has definitely flown. The thing I think I'll miss the most is being in 4-H. I'm lucky, I've been a part of 4-H for the past 6 years. Most people, when they think of 4-H, think that it's just some horse or cow or pig club. Well, it's not. 4-H is a youth led organization committed to leadership and citizenship. I am in the Honor club in my county's 4-H program. Actually, to be more specific, I'm the president of it. Throughout the years I've been really lucky to have such an amazing club, to go on numerous amazing trips, and to meet most of my best friends through 4-H. After I graduate, I hope to be able to stay in 4-H, as a teen leader. I have such big dreams and aspirations. This coming fall I'll be attending Cleveland State Community College and getting my AAS in Business, then attending a cosmetology school and getting my license in that, as well as most likely going to a makeup artistry school and getting that license. My ultimate dream is to have my own salon, and to be a world famous makeup artist.. I know, some people might think that's stupid, or I can't do it, but I can do anything I set my mind to. I am a very strong and independent young woman, and I have a lot of dreams, and through perseverance and hard work I can make them all come true. For anyone who reads this, I want you to know that you can make your dreams come true as well. All you need is a little faith, trust, and fairy dust... Just kidding.. But, you can make it happen. Just try and try and never give up. I'm proud to be a member of the graduating class of 2014. I can't wait to see what is in store for me over the summer, and throughout my new college experience. It's gonna be great!   

Naked 2 palette review

So, for Christmas I got Urban Decay's Naked 2 palette. I have been wanting one of the Naked palettes FOREVER. There are now three of them, and they are all highly raved about. 

Swatches of the colors

The packaging of the palette. It comes with a many lip gloss and the Good Karma dual-ended eyeshadow and blending brush. 

I have to say that I love the colors of this palette. They are all highly pigmented, and very velvety. However, I do have to admit that I would probably not repurchase this. Reason being, that as good as the colors seem when you swatch them, when I go to apply them they tend to blend out very sheer. It may just be the brushes I've been using, or how I've been applying, but for that kind of money, it should not be that sheer. It is $54 for each palette, which is very expensive, and for only 12 eye shadows.. I wouldn't do it. There are so many good dupes out there, that cost a fraction of the price. All-in-all it's a decent palette. I would give it 3 out of 5 stars. 

Welcome to my blog!

Well, I'm finally doing it. Creating a blog. I have been completely obsessed with everything fashion or beauty related for as long as I can remember, but I've never really done anything about it. I am now, though. I am here to share my opinions, reviews, personal struggles, and help with anything I can. I will just say now, I am not sponsored by anyone, and all of these posts and reviews are my personal opinions. So please, no negative comments. I just wanted to introduce myself, and say that I am so excited to be pursuing something that I love so much! I shall have my first review up either this evening, or possibly tomorrow. Have a great day! 

~ Cala