Confusing Myself

I don't know what is going on with me. I just. I can't seem to get out of my own head, and it's driving me crazy. I don't know why I'm so stuck in there, but I am. I just keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. Stupid thoughts mostly. Wandering about life. I can't seem to admit to myself exactly what's wrong, and it sucks. A lot. I thought this was gonna be such an amazing weekend, and for the most part it has been. I have had quite a bit of fun, but for some reason right now I just feel completely vulnerable, and I absolutely can't stand that feeling. I don't like being open. Weak. Useless. I guess I just built this trip up so much in my head, and now that it's almost done, I don't know what to do. I'm going psychotic. There is so much that I want, and I don't know that I'll ever get it, and that kills me. It absolutely terrifies me to not have control over this. I always have control. I can't function correctly right now. I just. Gah. That's all I can seem to get out right now...