Love leaves an everlasting impression

Well, it has now been well over four months since my last post... I definitely did not mean for that to happen, but life has been one big ball of crazy and stress lately. Over the course of the past four months many things have happened. There have been some good things, some mediocre things, and definitely some heartbreaking and terrible things. Some of the best things to ever happen in my whole life have occurred, but also some of the worst. A little over two months ago, I started dating this wonderful guy named Sean. He is basically the nerdier, boy version of me. I have never felt so comfortable with someone, so quickly, and he makes me unbelievably happy. He even comes over to my house and spends time with my family, and they all really like him. Last week, I finally bought my car! I'm almost 18, and I finally managed to get one. However, if you think that means last week was a good week, you would be sorely mistaken. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest, and most painful weeks of my almost 18 years in this world. My grandfather's health had been rapidly declining for a while, and the doctors couldn't seem to figure out what was wrong. Well, he had dropped a lot of weight very quickly, but at the same time his stomach had become very swollen, so he went to the hospital and they drained a lot of fluid out of him and had it tested. It came back positive for cancer cells. And a lot of them. At first they didn't know what kind it was, and they thought it was some form of rare stomach cancer. Well, he went back home and over the next few weeks he had to have fluid drained either one or two more times. He went back and kept having more tests done and they still couldn't figure out what type of cancer it was, for certain, so he just stayed at home and tried to take care the best he could. Two weeks ago, he took a turn for the worst. My grandmother found Papa unresponsive and not breathing and didn't know what to do, so she called my dad and he called an ambulance and they rushed Papa to the hospital immediately. The doctors tested and found that sometime over the past day or two Papa had a massive stroke. If I remember correctly, it was one massive stroke and five smaller ones, as well as an embolism in his brain. He was unable to speak very much, and although he seemed to understand who was with him, he couldn't seem to understand questions very well. He stayed in the hospital for a couple of days, and in that time the doctors were finally able to figure out what kind cancer he had. He had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The cancer is also what had caused the stroke. The doctor said he had 6 months or less. But he was wrong. My grandfather passed away on February the 15th, around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. He was only 71 years old... I don't understand why he had to leave so soon... My Papa was one of the most influential people in my life. Over the past couple of years, I hadn't spent as much time with him as I should have, and now it's too late and I can't change that.. I wish I could.. I wish he didn't have to go.. I miss my Papa, so much. It's been almost two weeks, and I still have a hard time breathing and not breaking down crying when I think about him. I'm crying right now, as I write this.  My Papa was very opinionated, and I didn't always agree with him, but I did always respect him and love him. Some of my favorite memories are when I used to spend the weekend with him and my grama, and he and I would go to the farmer's market at the break of dawn and set up and sell the vegetables he grew in his gardens ( and the tomatoes he bought to sell). There were many, many times when I would go and help him sell his veggies, and then we would come home to some wonderful meal cooked by Grama, and we would just spend the rest of the day relaxing, and watching tv. My Papa was an extremely intelligent man, and he liked having his say on political matters, He was also a wonderful cook, and he taught me many of the things I know how to cook now. He loved his children, and his grandchildren, and wife more than anything, and he was one of the kindest  and most caring men that  I have ever met. I will never stop missing my Papa, but I hope this pain lessens over time, because it hurts so very much right now.. I just still can't believe he's gone. It doesn't seem possible. I feel like I'm in a nightmare, and I'm gonna wake up and he'll still be here.. But I know that won't happen, and that I have to face the fact that he's gone... But I don't want to.. I just want my Papa back..