The troubles of the heart

Why is it that just when I think I might be okay, you say something and my heart feels like it's snapping into a billion little pieces, all over again. I just miss you, so much. Everything about you. Your smile. Your eyes. How you always are messing with your hair, because you think it looks terrible. The way you always pick at me. Everything. Every bad thing about you. Every good thing about you. I miss just hugging you, and staying in your arms. You are my safety net. And now you aren't there, and I feel like I'm falling at a thousand miles a minute, and I can't seem to stop. Every time I see your face, hear your voice, see your adorable smile I remember every single time we've been together. All of the hundreds of conversations. And it sucks. It really does. Knowing that there's this new girl, and now I mean nothing. All of the time and energy I put into us is pointless. I know that I'll probably never have you back like I want you, but the least you can do is not shut me out!! This hurts so much. I have had so many doubts and thoughts and regrets in the last month. So many times I've just thought "What could I have done differently?", and the answer I come up with every time is the same. I don't know. You're so confusing, and frustrating, at times extremely annoying, but I love you all the same. I know more about you than almost anyone, I know some of your darkest secrets. You told me stuff you never told others. Did I judge you or get scared away by it? No, absolutely not. Because when you really love someone, you look past their faults and you find the good in them. You put their needs above your own. I always tried to do that for you. We aren't even together anymore, and I'm still doing it. I must just be a glutton for punishment, because no matter what happens I can't let you go completely. You're my best friend. My rock. I love you. I miss you. So much. My life is not the same without you. And I don't like it. At all. You're so important to me, and I wish I could make you see that. I know you know how I feel. She's just more important than I am, now. And that absolutely kills me. That things could change that fast. That you could go from loving me to being with her in an instant. Every time you say her name, another fracture is put into my already insanely damaged heart. Love is a glorious, beautiful, cruel, and painful thing.